Today my sister Kathleen called me. I love it when she calls me because we usually have very in depth conversations about life and parenting. We have become great friends now, but when we were younger she would often tell me in her blunt older sibling manner to grow a backbone. Of course I dutifully obeyed (haha), and much to the credit of experiencing life with children and a lot of inspiration and prayer I have grown one.
As we were talking, I mentioned to her that I was not one of those women who slipped into motherhood easily. There was a lot of crying and second guessing myself and I had no idea what it felt like to follow my motherly instincts--what are those? As a result I read quite a few parenting books and I soon found that I was more confused than ever. Shortly after Hannah was born...or was it Johnny? ...I decided to put away the books (yeah it took a while to trust myself), and I didn't pick up another one until this year. It came highly recommended, and just when I needed it. I haven't read all of the way through it, and I am not sure that I will. I got what I needed from the second chapter and I am ready to get to work. It is called the Parenting Breakthrough by Marilee Boyak. She talks about making a plan for teaching your children how to become the kind of people that you wish for them to be. Actually, it is called The Parenting Breakthrough: Real-life plan teach kids to work, save money and be truly independent. In other words, the kind of people that I wish for them to be. It can be applied to just about anything though. I am very much a step by step person, so this struck a chord with me. It is even hard for me to get to the end of my day unless I have written out a plan. I liked her plan, and the concept so I decided to get to work.
First, as she suggested, I wrote down my wishes for the people that I want my children to become.
These are mine. Written down like this, they seem somehow less from the heart, but every time I re-read this list I get the same lump in my throat. I want my kids to turn out to be good people so much that it hurts. I know that when it comes down to it, they themselves will be the deciding factor, but at least I will know that I have done everything in my power to teach them what they need to know to live good and happy lives.
I want them to:
*Take good care of their own bodies (nutrition/ exercise/ hygiene)
*Feel confident that they have talents and skills, and know how to apply those to life and work.
*Know how to get a job
*Work hard and do well in a job/mission (good work ethics)
*Know how to make, save, budget and invest money to be dept free.
*Be honest, kind, compassionate, prayerful, grateful
*Know how to plan and make good meals.
*Know and practice basic sports techniques and rules (Jr. High survival)
*Know how to take care of a house (cleaning, decorating and basic repairs).
*Know how to de-junk
*Know how to plant, harvest and store food from a garden.
*Practice good time management
*Frequently make and achieve goals.
*Graduate from college in a degree that can support them and bring them joy.
*Know how to get a date
*Know how to treat a date with love and respect.
*Know how to love others and search for service opportunities.
*Know how to take care of a pet and treat it well.
*Know how to take care of the basic needs of babies and toddlers.
Then I came up with my plan, I used quite a few of her ideas, but I adapted quite a few more to fit our family and my personal wishes for our children. My kids actually enjoyed looking through the list with me. They had fun checking off what they had already learned and looking forward to the things that they will get to learn every year from now until they are ready to graduate from High school. Of course there are somethings that they are not looking forward to learning, but that is where my nice strong backbone will come in handy. I am sure that a few things will change as I gain more experience and as my kids grow. But for now, this is a great stepping block in helping me become the kind of mom that I want to be. Tomorrow I will post the list that I made for them. It's kind of fun to look through and it gives me ideas of things that we can do together on our "dates". They feel so smart and grown up when they can check something off as already learned.
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